i need an iv and a liver transplant
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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