She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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