Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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