my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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