once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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