There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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