Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
