I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
