So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
