i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dignity is for republicans.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
