even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
