Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
