my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
