I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
