and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
