the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
