Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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