When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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