we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
