who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cockslap morals
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
