There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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