this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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