Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
