It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
