The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
