my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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