"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
