was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
