I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
