'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
