If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
