why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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