don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
