dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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