it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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