You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
