there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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