What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
