Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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