That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
