Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
