I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
