I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
