Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
