I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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