It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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