you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
