How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
