it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
