I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
