Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
