yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
