i just wanna soil my oats bro
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
