if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
