I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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