With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
